What hurts most

Note: To understand this post, you'll have to read my last post first. 

People just don't get it.

 You don't get me.

Someone told me I did it out of sympathy, that I broke up with Nels just cause I pitied Anthony. 

Well, it is not true. 

Like I said, I don't expect you to believe me. 

But I do love Anthony.

 I left him, cause I loved him but I was scared cause I was only 14 years old, for God sakes!

 What did I even know about love then?? 

Nothing!

 I was scared of it, especially after seeing how well my parents marriage worked out

( it was not good) 

I didn't want it, so instead, I told him we should just be friends.

 Which we did become in the end. 

I had other boyfriends after we broke up, and Anthony knew about them, cause I told him of course. 

I didn't want him to find out from other people. 

But one thing he didn't know: 

None of my ex, ABSOLUTELY none of them comes even remotely close to being as great a person as him. 

He was truly one in a million. T.T 

I started comparing, which is bad! 

Almost everytime I date a guy, I would compare him to Anthony. 

Ahh! I do it unconsciously, which makes it worst! 

All I think about was him. 

I was obsess with him but I didn't wanna admit it to myself. 

I dated like crazy just so I'd stop thinking about him, I had more than 10 bfs within 2007-2008, including Anthony's friend, Nelson who was the biggest mistake. 

I dated Nelson because he was a little like Anthony. 

BAHH! Found out in the end that he was just a playboy. 

Just wrong. 

But as you all know from my last post, there was where all the trouble started. 

Not gonna talk about that again tho. 

Ahhh, I'm just so frustrated right now.

A little piece of advice for everyone out there. 

If you love someone, don't let go so fast like I did. Hold on to it, cherish it. 

IMY A.A.M

This song has been playing in my mind since 1pm.

What hurts most for me is thinking what we could have become if I didn't let you go.